August 2010
67 posts
i want you to want me.
to be too afraid to come see me because of what might happen.
and right now youre not available.
but im hoping that soon you will be.
not because i hate her, or the child.
but because my claim is prior.
im not even sure if i would take the oppourtunity if it arose.
i think it might be almost as great if i were to shut you down completely.
because then, for the first...
Running...
Don’t forget, we’ve got unfinished business, stories yet to unfold, tales that must be retold, and I regret not knowing when to put an end to all this madness, keeps me wanting, keeps me wanting more…
Happy.
i dont know what happened.
but you may have gathered that today my mind was causing me some stress.
but at some time, it just clicked.
and i stopped worrying. and got really happy.
i want to know how it happened.
because then i could do that all the time.
everything happens for a reason.
and so i just have to wait, and the reason will become clear.
happy times are good times.
Hollow.
followers, i apologise for the spammage.
but so much is going on at the moment, if i dont put it down im going to go insane.
someone commented today that i look like im hollow.
and i guess that makes a bit of sense.
im so internalised at the moment, that any external emotion you see is more than likely faked.
and im not trying to say that everything at the moment is awful and i want to off...
I watch you spin around in your highest heels You are the best one, of the best ones We all look like we feel You have stolen my You have stolen my You have stolen my heart
i need to keep you as far away from me as i can.
and yet bringing you close would make everything alright.
ive always said that im an anomaly.
well, i think you are the anomaly to match.
we dont know each other anymore.
but we are trying. to find out, whether everything that happened, was because of something more.
ever think you are perfect for someone, and them for you, but you just hit...
this is too hard.
i almost wish i hadnt contacted you.
its brought up too much stuff. too many worries and issues and concerns.
im freaking out. becoming a little crazy. and i dont like that.
but who is to say that i wouldnt be this crazy anyway. the amount of stuff that i am cramming into my life at the moment.
and yet i still manage to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about you.
stalking photos....
i wish you were online.
i dont even know what i would say.
i just want you to be here. to be paying attention to me.
not because i dont have other boys around keeping me occupied.
but because right now, you are the one thats on my mind all the time.
and i want to check your facebook
but mums on the couch with me.
and if she was to see what i was looking at,
god.
shit would fly. the earth...
Attractive.
i just saw a photo of you, and my heart raced.
literally made my stomach plummet to the floor.
hands are trembling.
i remember why i was obsessed with you.
because to me, you are physically perfect.
i want you. all the time.
and fuck that scares me right now.
because you are being lovely.
and i know you are not lovely.
you are a jerk
a tool.
horrible.
but fuck you are attractive.
and...
today.
i achieved something.
something huge.
and i just cant wait to tell you.
i want you to know, that since you left,
ive grown.
gone from strength to strength.
i have achieved.
what i set out to do.
and i want you to know.
Back?
i know that if i dont put this down,
i wont be able to sleep.
so prepare for the warm stream.
you are back.
for a brief moment of today, it was back to the good times.
and i was anxiously waiting and checking, even as i was keeping myself busy, cos the lord knows i had a billion and one things to do this evening.
and yet.
this takes my breath away.
i sit and think about it too much and i...
You.
i thought i was done with this.
it was the very worst of times.
and yet here i am
sitting here, flushed.
my face feels like its on fire.
my stomach feels like its going to projectile all over the room
and my hands are shaking. trembling.
i honestly thought this was done.
if you have been thinking about me and whatever,
then why did it take me sending you an email for you to say...
its nice.
to know there is someone i can be completely honest with.
and know the judgements at least a joke.
and know that shes honest with me.
tells me shit cos she knows i care.
i know i can trust her, and right now i really need that.
so ta.
Echoes (Accoustic) - Set Your Goals
Nothin'
everytime i try so hard i get nothin’
they say try and you won’t fail, i get nothin’
i did all that i could i got nothin’
i tried so hard, for nothin’
i never wanted it that way,
guess there was nothin’ i could say
i don’t know what i want.
but i know i don’t want this
i give up, i give in,
i know i’m never gonna win
i know...
Boston.
I looked out this morning and the sun was gone Turned on some music to start my day I lost myself in a familiar song I closed my eyes and I slipped away So many people have come and gone Their faces fade as the years go by Yet I still recall as I wander on As clear as the sun in the summer sky When I’m tired and thinking cold I hide in my music, forget the day And dream of a girl...
Patricia Zohn on Walt Disney Animators | Culture |... →
brilliant article, thankyou muchos rose. <3
All You Have To Do Is Cry.
do you see my face in your mind as often as i see yours?
do you imagine or hope or dream that everyday, one day, i will turn up on your doorstop and just smile?
do you hear a sad song, and the first pain the comes to mind is mine?
do you cry at night where no one can hear and no one can care, because there is nothing else that you can do?
do you regret leaving me? in the cold, alone, without a...
All My Friends Are Getting Married.
i feel like the only single girl left.
on the shelf.
with the other crappy products.
to be marked down.
soon.
but i need to keep reminding myself.
that i chose to be single.
i could have dated someone.
but i said no.
which sounds up myself.
but fuck i hate being single.
Sick
i breathe.
my chest hurts.
my throat, burns.
this heater,
too warm.
without it,
too cold.
a cough,
and its tight,
constricting.
pain.
searing.
lungs,
and phlegm.
sleep.
denied.
Winter.
I should know who I am by now
I walk
The record stands somehow
Thinking of winter
Your name is the splinter inside me while I wait
And I remember the sound of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you but I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake
The walk has all been cleared by now
Your voice is...
Imhal.
i had a complete blow out experience at the petrol station today.
i normally go to this petrol station after work, bout 9pm most o the time.
and i dont know, i must have said something, but the attendant was completely shocked.
he says to me, wow, this is the first time you have spoken.
we notice these things because you come in here about the same time every week.
and normally you are very...
Wow.
today was the first time in a year that i havent been physically attracted to you.
i thought that i would want you forever.
and i just dont.
its very strange.
the distance that i have been feeling
has finally extended over into reality.
i thinks its finally done.
and its not even sad.
it just is.
“And if one day you wake up
and find that you’re missing me
and your...”
– i really would have waited forever.
Nothing.
walking
in this artificial twilight.
the yellow glow across the ashphalt
shoes clumping on concrete
the splash of puddles and the smell of rain.
old memories, but not painful
just, things that occured.
to someone else.
and lyrics which once were so much,
and now are just nothing.
its strange the perspective
that you recieve
with routine and time and food.
i dont know whats happening
...
Me.
im not sure i like me very much.
im awkward.
and uncomfortable in so many situations
i dont fit in many places.
im introverted and more comfortable on my own.
so is it all that suprising that i dont cope well dating?
or with people?
not really i dont suppose.
maybe im just in the wrong place and with the wrong people.
because i felt great in melbourne.
but is that just because i was on...
“Like lipstick traces on pillowcases
Some things in life are unforgettable.”
– “Adelaide” - Anberlin.
“You keep giving me lines,
That you think I wanna hear,
But I dont wanna hear...”
– “Adelaide” - Anberlin
Men.
i dont understand the concept of sportscars.
and men i guess.
why are we expected to be attracted to small, bright red pieces of metal?
all it does is make the individual in the car look bigger by comparison to the size of the vehicle.
they make a tonne of noise, which, while it does make everyone notice you, it also makes everyone in the vacinity think, oh yeah, there goes that dickhead...
Repetitions 2.
this is starting to freak me out.
the highschool crush.
the first love.
we hooked up last year… about this time of year.
no conversation between now and then.
infact i had removed him from my life.
and who is talking to me now?
fucking hell.
Diamonds.
at my wedding
i want to be barefoot in the grass.
or at least, i will compromise by wearing flats.
i refuse to wear white.
i want the minimum people in attendance: my immediate family, my best friend, my grandparents, my uncle andrew.
and logically the same for him.
i want diamonds.
but not on their own.
a black pearl?
amethyst?
doesnt really matter i suppose.
i want to carry...
Repetitions.
ive had a sudden revelation.
the past year has been repeating itself.
in small snippets.
weird things.
the tony sighting, about the same time i was dating him.
the horrific breakup, at the same time as the year before.
random memories of selves, that occured on the same dates as when we were together.
a cam sighting on friday, which i worked out is the same day that he came to my place for...
Overkill.
I can’t get to sleep I think about the implications Of diving in too deep And possibly the complications Especially at night I worry over situations I know I’ll be alright Perhaps it’s just imagination Day after day it reappears Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear Ghosts appear and fade away Alone between the sheets Only brings exasperation It’s time to walk the...
Sure.
i was always so sure about every thing in my life.
i was sure i wanted to be an artist.
and i was sure i wanted to be married by the time i was 25.
and i was sure that i wanted to live in the city.
but relationships…
i always heard that when they were right, they were easy.
that even when things got hard… they were easy.
and theres nothing easy about relationships.
so i dont...
