its too early for him to come first. as wonderful as he is. my friends. my plans. my life. ive wanted this for ages. so he can wait. it wasnt even like we had definate plans. so he can wait. right? then why do i feel so shit, when he hasnt even said that he will be here… or feel so shit going to a black club to look at the scenery… god damn.
No matter how high the stakes, sooner or later you’re just gonna have to go with...– Grey’s Anatomy (via eletheowl)
freaking out inside my own mind. that ive somehow already managed to fuck this up. i guess that what happens. when you are sure enough. to tell people. that you are kinda seeing a boy. then you freak yourself out. and freak him out. and for some reason i have to assume this is my fault. and im panicking. alot.
i literally dont know how to explain it. ive never felt so comfortable and compatible with another person. its just so easy to be with him. i have no nerves about him being in my house or seeing me naked. and the best feeling in the world is walking down king street with him, holding my hand. i know, im a giant sap. but its fucking amazing to be with him. and now the other knows, it just makes...
"When The Fairy Tale Ends, Real Life Begins"
christopherangus: This is one of the most amazing thing’s Ive seen on Tumblr. this is amazing i love it haha
i think it comes down to this. if i had met either of them at different times in the past 8 months, i would be thrilled. why, both at the same time. is the constant question. mostly, i guess, because they are friends. fool. but still. i cant even enjoy a moment of this. because i worry what the other thinks everytime i see something come up online or on my phone or in their circle of...
i think i might have very seriously fucked up. he is so wonderful. and lovely. and such a good friend. but he thinks this is something more, that this is going somewhere. and i have encouraged that in him, not because i wanted to be vindictive, but because in a strange way i did really want to work it out with him. but, the ultimate dilemma has always been, that he is in no way shape or form...
i think i need someone to explain to me why being vulnerable is such a bad state of being. even in front of my best friends, my doctor and my family, i facade. put up this big strong, joking front, so noone understands that im scared. noone can pierce that veil. yay for me. but i dont understand why it has to be that way. is being vulnerable that bad?